ZURICH – FIFA has confirmed plans to introduce a revolutionary “13-month football calendar” beginning in 2026, expanding the global season to accommodate what officials call “the game’s unstoppable growth and our insatiable commitment to opportunity.”
The decision, announced Thursday from FIFA headquarters, comes amid growing criticism that the football calendar has become “physically impossible.” In response, the governing body has chosen not to scale back but to “reimagine the concept of time.”
A leaked internal memo obtained by The Authentico outlines that, under the new system, the traditional 12 months will be replaced by “FIFA+ Month,” an additional 29-day stretch inserted between June and July.
Players’ unions have described the expansion as “reckless, commercialised madness.”
“I haven’t seen my family since Nations League C,” said an exhausted midfielder via Zoom from an airport in Bahrain. “My daughter’s first words were ‘finallisimo.’”
Infantino has dismissed such criticism as “negative energy.”
“If musicians can tour all year,” he said, “why can’t footballers perform every 72 hours? It’s entertainment. It’s what they’re paid for.”
A leaked PowerPoint from FIFA’s marketing wing reportedly proposed monetising substitutions: “Viewers can vote to unlock extra changes mid-match for a small microtransaction fee.”
Fans have already started reporting hallucinations. One described seeing “ghost fixtures” – imaginary games that appear between real ones.
“I swear Liverpool played Madrid three times last week,” he said, trembling. “They just kept coming out of the tunnel.”
As criticism mounts, Infantino has doubled down, hinting that FIFA is already exploring a 14th month. “We must be bold,” he said. “The Romans invented their calendar. Why can’t we?”
When asked if there was concern for player welfare, he added:
“We are monitoring their wellness through the FIFA app. They simply have to click ‘I’m fine’ once a week.”
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