“For those who were wondering”
The local football landscape experienced no measurable disturbance today as coach Darren “The General” McVey issued a fresh LinkedIn address to his “supporters,” announcing he had attended a “High Performance Coaching Course.”
Describing himself on his profile as a “football professional,” the Southern Crocodiles’ U18 assistant coach outlined his “commitment to pushing standards,” a statement greeted with confusion by players who recall he once started a session without noticing the goals were still chained to the fence.
Witnesses later confirmed the expert course consisted of six coaches in a community hall debating whether overlapping fullbacks are “dead” and condemning VAR despite none having coached a match that used it.
The coach cited recent advances in his “motivation psychology,” widely understood to refer to halftime instructions delivered at a volume that startles neighbouring suburbs. Reports indicate these speeches still revolve around telling players to “want it,” though the exact nature of the “it” remains unidentified.
McVey concluded the announcement by expressing pride in “the direction my career is heading,” a remark sources interpret as a reference to his elevation from team manager to assistant coach for the coming season.
The post received its usual engagement: a pity-like from his sister, an accidental reaction from a real estate agent who interacts with everything, and enthusiastic approval from an overseas account promoting a dubious coaching software product that will almost certainly collapse before launch.
Asked for comment, club officials confirmed there is no recognised supporters’ group for McVey, though they conceded one could form “if he starts it himself.”
McVey is expected to publish another update shortly. Forecasts indicate public interest will remain exactly where it is now.
